The other part of me realizes that waiting is an awesome experience. It is in this time that I am truly learning what Psalm 27:4 means. David says that there is only one thing that he asks of God, only one thing that he seeks that he may dwell in the Lord’s house forever.  That’s what I long for right now. I have all of this head knowledge and memories about God’s faithfulness, but when I’m surrounded by the muck of this world it’s hard to live in the truth. I long to constantly be surrounded by holiness, for it is in that setting that I could easily trust Him and victoriously go through trials without my faith faltering.

Through the prompting of the Holy Spirit I have begun to read The Healing Presence by Leanne Payne. It’s been a wonderful source of strength. It’s a book that I highly recommend when you’re at the end of your rope. God has clearly spoken to me throughout its pages. I have been reminded that God loves all His creatures, and that my darling son is included in that list. I have been reminded that He will never leave us (Hebrews 4:13). And it is by being reminded of these truths that I can even fathom uttering Mary’s great affirmation “Be it unto me according to thy word”. And so through the pain of having arrived at the utter end of any confidence in myself I have arrived at the haven of God’s love and care.

I’ve been tempted to give into fear, doubt, and worry. Yet, as C.S. Lewis puts it “Have no fear, lest your shoulders be bearing this world.”  My shoulders are not strong enough to bear this burden. But I know the Lord’s are. I know that He loves Stryder. That truth has been evident through Stryder’s miraculous birth and life thus far. So I have no other choice, but to trust in God. There is nothing else that I can do. I have been broken this week, and I’m beginning to realize that brokenness is a good place to be.

For some reason I have never really heard a seromon on waiting for God, I have heard tid bits about being patient but never really on being a “good waiter.”  Honestly it doesn’t seem to be something we value as Christians in America, I certainly have never told anyone that they are excellent at waiting nor have I received a compliment about my abilities of waiting.  I think it would even be strange to hear, “What a good waiter you are.”  Yet, when I look at the life of David I marvel in amazement at his ability to wait for the Lord to act in his life. 

When David was a mere boy he was anointed by the prophet Samuel to be the king of Israel.  It took place when Saul was king and it made Saul hate him.  Saul hated David because he did not want David to take away his kingship from him or from his sons after him.  In fact Saul hated him so much that even after David served Saul faithfully for years Saul tried to kill him numerous times.  Yet, what astounds me is that David never forcefully took the throne that was“rightfully” his.  David had numerous oppurtunities to kill Saul and thereby take the kingship that God had said was his, but he didn’t.  In fact, in 1 Samuel 24, David has the oppurtunity to kill Saul and is egged on to do so by his men but in repsponse he says to his men in verse 11, “The LORD forbid that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD’s anointed, to put out my hand against him, seeing he is [ 1 Samuel 12:3] the LORD’s anointed.”

David decides to wait for the Lord to deliver the kingship into his hands and refuses to kill Saul, a decision that caused David to wait to be king for many years.  Yet, he knew that waiting for the Lord to make it happen in his timing was the righteous action.

If I honestly look at my heart I don’t believe I would have made the same decision.  If I knew God had called me then I would have taken what was mine, and so here I am waiting for a position in ministry and I want God to make something happen.  It has been a measly few months and I have a fantastic job,  but not the job I want.  David waitied for years as an outcast of Israel and even among his enemy the Philistines.  As I look at such a story and read the Psalms I realize that there is a spiritual attribute that I have not valued, and an attribute that America certainly does not value.  For what is the value of waiting for God to make something happen when one can go out and work work work and be productive.  In this stage of my life I am looking to the life of David and Psamls to help me develop the spiritual discipline of waiting.

I look to Psalm 25:3 which says of the Lord, “none who wait for you shall be put to shame” and Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!” I am encouraged by this because although I have not arrived at my next “task” per se I am in the place I need to be.  I am in a place that is normal.  Waiting is normal.  Really, I am in the best place I can be, waiting for the Lord to show himself strong to me and learning not to try and make things happen through my own strength.  We are all called to wait for the Lord and will all experience times where we must wait for something.  May the Lord mature in us the spiritual discipline of waiting so that as the Psalmist says we will not be put to shame.